remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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