im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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