Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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