I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
