So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize