I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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