five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so much tequila, so little girl.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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