You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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