my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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