My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
