I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize