So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize