do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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