hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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