i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
