I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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