Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
