I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize