I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
