I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
