we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
