I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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