# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
