sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
