So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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