Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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