i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
bring money and cleavage
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize