pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
