I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
