Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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