I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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