Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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