ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
