if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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