I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
