Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
