Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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