Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
