woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
