I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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