whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
