Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
