Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
