break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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