New invention idea: vibrating tampons
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
