it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
