It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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