Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
