they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
