I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
