Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You are a genius and a whore.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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