Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
