the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
