Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
