I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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