So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
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