I just pynch a tree in the face
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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