Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
