I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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