Me. At least after what I've been through.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
