I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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