blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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