He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
