I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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