dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
