I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
