i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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