I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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