the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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