i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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