well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
