My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
