I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I look better un-naked...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This is the prime rib incident all over again
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
