I am in a vortex of obligation.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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