Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
