Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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