Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
FUCK WHALES
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
