Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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