I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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