thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
