You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
