I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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