Since when is my name a synonym for head?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's always time for handjobs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
