The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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