If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Randomize