Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I look better un-naked...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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