I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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