There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
