This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
