she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
