dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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