you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
