i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Someone shattered a urinal.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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