We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
