OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
