Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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