the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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